Dominatrix definition
“Dominatrix is the feminine word of the Latin word “dominator”, which directly translates to “ruler” in English. The dominatrix profession originated in brothels until evolving into an independent category altogether. Non-professional dominatrices are referred to as lifestyle dommes.
There are three types of dominant women
Betchen, author of the book “Magnetic Partners (2014)”, explains that there are three categories of dominant women in relationships. The dominatrix, hotwife, and cuckoldress. A pro-dominatrix a.k.a. pro domme is more unique compared to the others. She is separate from the other forms of dominant women due to her professionalism, needing less emotional
investment in personal relationships than those of the hotwife and cuckoldress. The professional Dominatrix, and lifestyle Dominatrix are still the same type of dominant woman, albeit a difference in boundaries, and perhaps a larger scale of resources and equipment are possible for a specialized professional. It is also more likely for lifestyle dommes to classify themselves as part-time professionals. We recommend our website slave-selection.com, as it focuses on Femdom, as well as clearly stating if the lady is a pro, or otherwise. There are no male dominants on slave-selection.com either, but on a side note – our new website that includes the more abundant male dominants can be found at lebdsm.com.
There are different types of subs
Professional dominatrix do not usually offer sex. But, assuming the lack of professionalism involved with a “lifestyle” – one would assume it would be a bit more likely. Cuckolding comes more from a swinging lifestyle. This will also depend on the role of the male. If the male is a paying client of a professional domme, they can have an infinite number of role-plays with no strings attached – unlike the subjects of a cuckoldress. A “bull” is treated as a cuckoldress’s lover,
while the cuckold male would retain his submale status with complete loyalty to his queen. A cuckold is likely to take on the role of a traditional domesticated wife, and embrace emasculation, including during sexual acts where the cuckold may be forced to have sex with one of her bulls. The cuckold is typically a house-husband having dinner, and waiting for his wife to return home from having sex with another man. On the wife’s return, if the husband has not completed his duties e.g. not keeping his wife stocked up with men, she may punish him by extending the period in a chastity belt, or use corporal punishment.
Other important things to note are that female subs exist as well, and there is an overall agreement, however passive – between all partners of what their roles are among swingers, where there is enough overlap to have other non-monogamous arrangements.
The hot-wife is a more casual version of a cuckoldress. There is no contract, and she is more concerned with getting a greater amount of sex, than quality, and doesn’t demand as much from her sub-male partner.
There is no such thing as love without loyalty
As stated by Reik (1944) in the book Masochism in Modern Man, men who demanded punishing behaviour did so to “achieve a sense of victory in defeat”. Men and women often have problems with each other as they value each other differently in a utilitarian sense. An example would be in the workplace where more privileged women traditionally retire after pregnancy, and the husband then divorces her, because her loss in sexual attractiveness can no longer compensate for their lack of friendship or mutual respect. Betchen, in his clinical practice, explains that men will punish their wives for refusing to take part in a sexually pro-active or dominant role, to a point that the man will likely cheat.
Typically, femdom is a male’s fantasy that is bottled up until a mid-life crisis. The man in this scenario will admit to himself that humiliation is incredibly arousing, and therefore that stereotypical sort of “nice-guy” is, in fact, less as likely to be the defining prerequisite for the evolution of a submale. In addition to this, it’s the men demanding of their wives to carry out humiliating acts before any normal sex can begin – leading all the “meaningful relationships” to inevitably fall apart.
It is also well known that many competent businessmen and celebrities seek out pro-dommes and offer very large amounts of cash for their services. After all, it is disputed that the current US president is no exception.
Many professional dominatrices hold graduate degrees
This fact may or may not surprise you, but dommes and sex-workers alike are likely to be educated to a higher standard than your average person – let alone the average male. It is therefore very important to communicate with a dominatrix at a high standard so that you will stand out from the sea of cliches and cringe in their inboxes.
Femdom is an indicator of a reborn secular society
Despite 50 Shades of Grey wreaking havoc on the kink community, Femdom is only on the increase due to higher levels of female infidelity, which is in addition to male infidelity. There is a political conspiracy theory that this is due to the average male testosterone levels decreasing, combined with the fact that males are more accepting of female infidelity than even only two decades ago. Regardless of one’s opinion on infidelity, promiscuous femdom culture can be also witnessed in non-monotheistic religious history including the Mesopotamians and Hindus of over 4000 years ago – proving femdom is more than just an afterthought of a fetish exported from a creative sex worker in a brothel. There are also ancient murals in Pompeii showing femdom in action where women had real actual sex slaves. They even had chastity belts back then which were referred to as “thecas”! It was only between 1600-1900 that femdom slipped into obscurity, but it could not be eradicated from the London brothels. Today, a device known as the Berkley Horse was devised by a wealthy and successful sex worker called Theresa Berkley, who worked in a London brothel in 1828. It was at this time i.e. the end of the secular age, where things like flogging and spanking grew in popularity. Non-secular society – in our case coming from a patriarchal industrial age, brought us extra humiliation from just the mere idea of corporal punishment, hence modern BDSM as we know it.
Even in popular culture, people no longer look twice at black leather catsuits on female motorcyclists, let alone Catwoman in children’s comics. According to both dommes and subs, understanding femdom is the gateway to becoming a true individual – male or female.
Haters gonna hate
The main enemy of femdom comes unsurprisingly from patriarchal politics. To mask the true fact that femdom drastically strengthens or breaks vanilla relationships, hypocritical politicians will tend to project a belief that there is an institutional emasculation implied from a “deregulation of the sexual marketplace” going on within society, and that “girl power” combined with articles like this only contribute towards it. Dear reader, if you see something annoy a certain group, you have likely seen something exposed and validated… A lack of familiarity is unsettling for anyone, but there is no ethical bias in dominance of a submissive, nor submission to a dominant. It is simply that inner confidence that politicians exploit in people that is stealing your chance of having any liberty and romantic success. It is also important to note that the narrative they project, contradicts the fact that most femdom relationships are initiated by males, and most D/s activity involves male-doms. Femdom is still coming out of hibernation, so expect to hear more women in charge at the workplace, in politics, and at home.
Mummy issues
There are many causes for submissive males. According to Betchen (2014), men who wanted sexual humiliation came from a background where they were especially close to their mothers, meanwhile, a sense of guilt was created from the idea that they stole their mothers’ attention away from their fathers – especially as they stole the “man of the house” position as well. Contrary to harnessing an erotic image of being “man of the house”, it led to guilt as they got older, where new wives or partners would be given back to the “real men” who supposedly had women stolen away from them.
BDSM sites are full of fakes
Most modern dating sites are riddled with scam artists, but on our very own slave-selection.com, women are the ones who freely write first and also have set a much higher standard for behaviour upon making contact – requiring proper etiquette and respect. As stated on slave-selection.com: “A submissive man can only talk to you if you’ve added him to your favorites. He has the option to view your profile, worship you and send you a message, but you have to approve these worships in order for him to initiate contact. How’s that for girl power?”
Beware of the fetish or kink community…
Do not stress about not being part of the “kink community” a.k.a. middle-aged swingers. It is somewhat of a double-edged sword to femdom’s survival, because like meeting people in vanilla relationships, there are events and parties… However, with parties, there is a large threshold of people, and there will be meritocratic, fascistic and regulated licensed corruption in politics e.g. from that one who is “the life of the party”. There will also be an unproductive amount of male attention on women where the problem is that women get overwhelmed and wall of any male attention for the rest of their 20s by weeding out “creeps”, except unfortunately there will still be covertly and successful narcissistic men with their cockroach methods. Slave-selection.com and girl-power is designed to avoid this sort of apocalypse from happening: –
“Any woman who’s dated online has probably longed for a better way to weed out the creeps. The idea for this site was originated in France, after two friends grew tired of hearing women complaining about how uncomfortable online dating could be. The site which launched in 2012 in Europe is now in the US, seeking to help put women in the driver’s seat of online dating.”
Interesting that you say that dating sites are riddled with fakes and scams, then point out that what makes your sites different is that it’s women who make the first move, implying that the fakes are all male. Every woman who has initiated contact with me on the affiliated sites has made some form of financial transaction (either sending money or making a hefty online purchase through a personal sales representative who is using what is plainly not a business email) a pre-requisite for any meeting, including a public meeting in neutral territory. This is an obvious red flag for scamming.
If Mistress will permit, a few observations from a confirmed sub-male about the words we use…………..
The key word “Dominatrix” (or “Dominatrice”) is suspect from the start: it is a “female version” derived from the original [masculine] terrm. In other words, it implies that Women are second-class substitutes for real people, men. The same with “Goddess,” the second-rated form of a deity, and “Mistress,” a “girl who substitutes for a master.” Even “Female” dangles semantically from “male.”
Language being what it is, a reflection of the way speakers and writers actually use it, we’re sort of stuck with these terms. That’s at least until someone comes up with a new and different language that takes a more agreeable view of things, or the language we use (and French, German, Spanish, almost all, have the same problem) evolves into placing the Superior Gender in first place. Enlightened Ladies, accept Your challenge and go for it!
There are a few other linguistic things that can be applied, however, with the language we use today. One is capitalizing pronouns, a feature almost unique to English (which is now the most widely-used language in the world, by the way). As readers of the Bible know, it is common to capitalize not just “proper names,” but even the pronouns that refer to the deity of one’s faith. So writers of Female Domination stories and articles spell references to the Mistress, Domina, Goddess or Queen as She or Her, and address Her directly as You. Replacing modesty with policy, Mistress refers to Herself as “Me” and graciously allow Her slave “the privilege of licking My boots clean,” for instance. Visiting several current Femdom sites will reveal a number of prominent Mistresses and Goddesses follow this literary style, lending Their material a significant dignity and power.
At the same time, more and more submissives adopt the corresponding style of putting their names in lower-case form, sometimes with demeaning adjectives, as this humble bootlicker does. With a little care, one can avoid putting crucial words at the beginning of a sentence, where standard standard usage indicates a capital letter. These include not just the name, but any noun or pronoun related to the inferior creature.Every slave should do this, in the system proposed here.
References to slaves, this one suggests, can avoid terms that suggest a male is a human being on par with a Woman (another unfortunate derivative term!). To do this, eliminate “he,” “him” and “his,” even though lower-case, from the writing and speaking. Instead, dehumanize the slave with the pronoun “it” (and not at the beginning of a sentence). So a slave male “crawls on its knees to the feet of the Mistress and licks Her boots”. Avoid referring to “its Mistress,” too. This implies that Mistress belongs to the slave, which is certainly not the case! For the same reason, the phrase “my Mistress” that one encounters on the web is an abomination: a slave is owned chattel property itself, so it cannot own anything, including its own worthless body. More than one Mistress, writing on the internet, specifies that Her slave does not own its sex organs, for example: “That miserable piece of cock-meat is My property; you just carry it around for Me and I can torture it as I please, and forbid it to cum without My permission.” Some slaves even reverse to English-language rule of capitalizing “I” (done because it is just one letter) referring to themselves. Owners sometimes require Their slaves to refer to themselves in the third person:”Please, Mistress, may Your unworthy slave fetch Your whip for You?” or “Have mercy on this dog, Gracious Goddess.”
A wise and sensible slave always moderates its speech to reflect its own submission and inferior status and to defer to Mistress at all times. If She is pleased to do so, Mistress can also emphasize Her authority and power by speaking softly in terms like “You may lick My boots clean” rather than the uncontrolled demanding scream that one often reads in less-than-well-done stories. A Mistress Who loses Her temper has lost control of Her household and Her slaves. She can and should require slaves to do all the work so She can relax. Even summoning a slave by snapping or clicking He fingers rather than troubling to speak demonstrates Her total control. For a slave to cause Mistress even the slightest inconvenience deserves punishment; slaves must never forget that they are dirt at the feet of the Goddess Who owns them.
By the same token, Mistress never says “thank you” to a slave for even the most difficult task performed satisfactorily. The highest compliment is “I am pleased” or “That was satisfactory.” The slave, then thanks Her for the privilege, grateful to be of acceptable service. Bumbling or failure merits a quick chastisement with the riding-crop or a kick (and the slave responds to that training correction with gratitude, kissing the boot that kicks it, of course).
Communication, spoken, written or body language, is an important part of the D/s process. It has been said that a Dominant can “get more flies with honey than vinegar,” the kind word over the whip. However, a gentle expectation of obedience and submission, coupled with frequent reminders from the cane or lash, will make the occasional “satisfactory” fully effective and contribute to the peace of mind and comfort of every Mistress, as well as the satisfactory servitude of Her chattels.