Submale; The Problem, Now Becoming Part of the Solution Part 2
In the first blog, I used lower-case letters for references to anything submale, and capitalized any words referring to women. I’m dropping that. I’ll tell you why in a moment. For now, let’s assume you are already in a relationship with someone you love, and that you want her to dominate you; you want to be her slave. Maybe you’ve even talked about it and tried it, with unsatisfactory results. Now you’re frustrated and unhappy, and she’s feeling it too. This is not the formula for love.
Reread that paragraph. Notice how many times it refers to what you want. So here’s the first and most important point: what you want is totally irrelevant. Not because she is a goddess (as one of my lady friends said, “Too far to fall.” – which ended that conversation) and you are nothing but a lowly submale, but because if you really want it to happen, and if you really love her, you must take yourself out of the equation.
It’s time to acquire sensitivity. Start paying attention. Not in order to respond to her commands (if she’s actually giving them, you don’t need to be reading this); pay attention to her. The person. If you really want a loving, Female Led Relationship, you must learn to art and craft of removing the “you” and replacing it with her.
Stop a moment. Focus. Now: name the sizes of all garments she wears. (Everything, not just her cup size.) And – which are her favorite pair of jeans? Why are those her favorites? What color combinations does she like most? Keep going. What is the exact brand and shade of the lipstick she was wearing the last time you saw her? What products and brands does she use most for her hair? When is her next period due?
If you couldn’t answer even those relatively surface-issue questions, what do you really know about her? If you could answer them, or some of them, it’s still only a start. Those things are part of her, but they are not her.
Here’s the crux. The most difficult part of any relationship is genuine intimacy. In vanilla relationships, the lack of real intimacy almost inevitably leads misery. In Domme/submale relationships the problem is orders of magnitude greater, because the objectification is a hugely effective way of avoiding true intimacy. It is all role-playing. Hopefully, it’s enjoyable to both parties, but it masks the self.
I stopped the typographical foolishness because it objectifies. Female/slave. An object of staggering beauty, of fear and adoration/ and an object to be owned, used and punished. Yes, loving embraces after a session, that gorgeous, warm sense of closeness; that is beautiful sort of intimacy – but what to you really know about her?
If you truly want a Female Led Relationship, you may fantasize that you kneel before her as a slave and that she is a Goddess, but keep it to yourself. What you must learn, from this moment on, every time you think of her, see her, talk with her – is to pay attention to her. If you do, it will someday turn magical; it will lead you to never-ending wonder at the profound glory and mystery of the Female. But first you must pay attention. Don’t project your desire of who you think she ought to be. Forget about that. Pay attention to her.
Your true journey in a real, loving Female Led Relationship is going to be to commit to spending your life finding answers to the wonder of her. You’ve got to let go of a ton of ego; for how are you going to discover the many layers and shades of her true, beautiful self, if you keep putting your self in the way? Proceed in baby steps. Develop patience and perseverance. Make it a lifetime’s project. And shut up about it.
And for Goddess’s sake, stop groveling and hinting and then driving her crazy with your lack of backbone.
For now, perfect your personal hygiene, never ever leave any mess uncleaned, and, again, shut up about it. Let your journey take you to that wonderful moment when you start paying attention to whether or not she even notices. She may, or she may not. Either way is perfect, because it’s her. She’s the woman. She’s what it’s all about. And by making yourself better, you’ve just discovered something about her! Isn’t that beautiful?
Stay tuned for another installment.
by
obeyyou60
Using the lower case ‘i’ when referring to myself was insisted upon by the on-line lifestyle Domina i have been serving (with my Lady’s blessing) for the past couple of years. We rely on the power of words as we have never met in person and are never likely to (She lives in another country). She explained to me the necessity for me to pay very close attention to detail when serving Her, to concentrate on Her words, to remain focused on Her needs, preferences and requirements and using lower case when referring to myself and upper case when referring to Her would be excellent exercise for my meandering male mind. It also helps reinforce the power exchange when so much distance separates us. We have become quite skilled at this. The tone of Her directives often makes me shiver, which She enjoys immensely. Having to ‘sweat the small things’ (such as remembering my position in the relationship with a small ‘i’) definitely enables me to serve Her closer to Her standards. If i promote myself to an upper case through lack of concentration she will make Her displeasure felt.
i’m uncertain what the Mistresses at Femdoming feel about their submissives using the lower case ‘i’ but i would naturally defer to their preference. i know it can vary from Mistress to Mistress.