My initial contact with the world of Female Led Relationships was in early 2002. I was still in college, and I was doing some research for a paper I was working on; Human Sexuality.
On hearing about my research, a couple of my friends invited me to attend some parties and group meetings that centered on Female dominance, and male submission. The first group meeting I attended had me feeling like a nervous wreck. As I walked through the door and looked around, I discovered that it was a predominantly male group. I was surprised because I had expected a room filled with women talking about feminism. The room had about twenty people present, fifteen of them were men. There was an introductory meeting for first-timers, so nothing out of the ordinary or particularly strange happened that night; it was the people in this group that were explaining who they were, what their meetings stood for, and what is involved. My curiosity was peaked, and I found this subject of Female Dominance and Male Submission to be most fascinating.
By the end of the night, I knew I would return. There was a social interaction after the meeting, and I mingled with some of the people, asking many questions. What I discovered was that many of these first-timers were men who wanted to be submissive in their relationships with women. They were in search of females, who would dominate them sexually, lead their relationships, and take control.
Since it was a sexually oriented group, there were some self-proclaimed dominant men present, but a majority of the males present at this meeting wanted to be in the submissive role. I found this to be quite fascinating. I, a so-called feminist, had listened to several lectures about how women were struggling to gain equality in our society, but there was a room full of men, who willingly wanted to have women as their superiors. That meeting was a major turning point for me. I was raised in the Caribbean islands of Trinidad and Tobago, a tropical paradise located about 100 miles off the coast of Venezuela. I attended all-girls’ Catholic school, and it is here I received all the standard patriarchal societal and religious programming that had indoctrinated me since I was a little girl. I have always been a spiritual person, a Christian, who believes in God and Jesus.
I am thankful for my religious upbringing, however, the Catholic Church, and its male-dominated hierarchy, force-fed me with a theology that made me view my gender as subservient. However, all around me were shining examples of women, who were in power. My mother was a strong female, leading her household, later to become a single parent, and my school was run by nuns who made all decisions.
Myself and my peers, all females, were all top island scholars, strong-minded, smart, and full of ambition. This prejudice pervasive in Catholicism where the priest, a man, runs the church became a major stumbling block for me, as I tried to succeed in a so-called ‘man’s world.’ On one hand, my all-girls school was preaching female superiority, equality, and feminism, but on the other hand, a contradiction to the customs in the Catholic teaching, where women were subservient and almost non-existent, as male Priests were the heads of the church and women were forced into the role of the nuns, who were barely seen during services. Feminism had always appealed to me. I was a top student and athlete, who felt she could do anything a man could do, just as well. I had many male friends during my formative years, and we played sports and interacted as equals. So, I was unable to accept that women were subservient to men. I think I a lot of ways, the thought never entered my consciousness. I simply refused to accept it. I discovered that women possessed a higher moral character and a more superior intellect.
My mother single-handedly ruled our family, picked up, and had to survive after my father left. Even though our Catholic God was a man and the priests were all men, it was really the Nuns who ran my Catholic School. So, everywhere in my life, women were influential teachers and leaders, who raised me from my earliest childhood memories. The highest shining example of female energy power is mother earth. Every living organism, and the entire world, is governed by female energy which I consider to be the most powerful force over all others. So, while I witnessed patriarchal dominance in society and in religion, my daily life showed me practical examples of capable Female leadership. New thoughts, philosophies, and ideologies about relationships, and the Female gender superiority, were starting to occupy my mind. Of course, I kept these ideas to myself. First, I was still that little Catholic girl at heart, and so, I wasn’t yet comfortable with voicing these ideas. Secondly, we still live in a male dominated society, and I still needed to fit in. I was never an extrovert; I hadn’t ever considered myself to be dominant.
I certainly had never heard of Female Led Relationships or Loving Female Authority, but these Female Led parties, which I had been attending, were opening doors to a new and different world from what I knew. They had become a safe-haven for me to explore what I later realized was a force dormant inside of me. Once I found support from other men and women who shared the same views, I became much more comfortable. Here, we were free from societal and religious expectations, norms and practices. Men were free to exhibit their submissive natures, and females were allowed to explore the part of them that had been locked-up for ages: dominance. We wouldn’t face judgment or be frowned at, for giving in to what I was quickly becoming to recognize as a natural way of life. During my late teenage years, my family moved to North America. By the time I was 16 years old, I was at the top of my school in academics, and working two part-time jobs. I eventually was accepted into the university to study engineering. This was yet, another experience in a male-dominated field, where I witnessed the number of women move from 10% of the class, to 30% in my year.
Women were brilliant, right alongside men, learning and contributing. Engineering was a perfect breeding ground for me to develop many of my thoughts about female-led relationships, because I watched as many women took charge in group projects and assignments, even though they were the minority. They were not afraid to speak up and debate with professors, and many of the class conversations, in Engineering, were happening with female students. Men were equally brilliant, but happy to allow us, the females, to lead in many of our assignments. My education in Engineering lasted 3 years and then, I switched to Information Technology and Commerce, still quite male dominated. So, all of this university experience set the ground-work for my new paradigm of female-led relationships. I would later leave all of my post-secondary education behind, and move into another male dominated field of fitness. Bodybuilding was the rage at this time, and as a female, to be accepted as strong and competent enough to train men, alongside the male trainer, I felt I had to look and be the part. So, I trained every day, for hours in a gym, developing a very muscular physique but I became one of the top personal trainers, earning a six figure income, right out of school, and being a sought after fitness guru.
Training people to be better, healthier and more confident about life, has always been a passion of mine. Being a personal trainer was my perfect job- one that indulged my secret desire to train men to view women as superior, and to remind women of their ability to take charge in life and their relationships. It gave me my first real taste of creating a framework for the female led existence, as I gained intimate knowledge into men and women, and all of their experiences and challenges in the world. It was during many of my training sessions that many clients admitted many of their deepest feeling to me. While I would never betray the trainer client relationship, I soon gathered that both men and women had secrets of feeling unfulfilled in their relationships, which they buried, for the sake of keeping the family unit intact. I could see that many were struggling for years, with an emptiness which can occur when you are unable to reveal the unhappiness in the day to day interactions, and I believe that this is what led to the breakdown of marriages and divorces. What I witnessed, having trained hundreds of clients, was that the clients in female-led relationships were much happier and often, were together longer. During my university years, I was invited back to several of the female led parties and group meetings.
While I managed to convince myself that I kept going to them purely for educational and research purposes, the fact was that I had become curious and interested in this alternative female-led lifestyle. Each week, I met more of the regulars, and while there was an increasing number of women attending, it was apparent that the submissive men were the driving force behind this group. The men far outnumbered the women, so I became popular pretty quickly. As I socialized and conversed with the members of the Female -Led Relationship groups, enjoying their parties and get-togethers, I met many women in positions of power; one in particular, who invited me to a luncheon that’s made up of exclusively successful businesswomen. I accepted her invitation and attended the dinner. There, I met women who were leaders in companies, their own businesses, and even in politics. Several had professions in male dominated fields, and many had male employees, who worked for them. The woman, who invited me to this luncheon, was a CEO of a very large corporation, and I formed a very close friendship with her, and learned much about being a female leader. The education I received about female leadership in the corporate world was invaluable. As my research into the world of female leadership in the business world continued, I began to identify gradually, with this way of life. Similar to what happens with inception, a seed had been planted many years ago, and all of my experiences were now watering it and making it grow.
The female led lifestyle seemed right and it worked. It wasn’t easy to let go of my Catholic schooling in childhood, but it was all fading, and a new side of myself was emerging. I eventually realized that female equality was not the end game and that ultimately, women needed to rule relationships, businesses, governments, social groups and even nations. I began to call myself and my group of female friends, “Queens”. By my definition, a Queen believes that women are the superior sex over men. She thinks that society would be better served if it were governed by women, instead of men. A Queen is a female in a position of authority, in business and government. Societies, like the UK, have accepted the leadership of a queen; so why not all societies? A Queen believes that women and men are not equal, but rather, different. She believes that women possess more traits suited for leadership than men and that she contains the qualities that are best fitted to be in a position of authority.
The female, as the hero, is more popular now than ever; in movies quite recently, in huge blockbusters like Wonder Woman, Hunger Games, Divergent, James Bond and Atomic Blonde. This is significant because it means that it’s becoming very accepted by both men and women. A Female Led Relationship can also become widely accepted. After my education in Engineering, IT and Commerce, though I had no desire to work in my field, it prepared me to continue to develop and participate in the Female Led Relationship group. This became so important to me that I combined my love for fitness and relationships, and incorporated both into my practice. I suppose in essence, I was training both males and females, and I gained a deep insight into the psychology of both, and how they related to each other. In fitness, I attracted men, who enjoyed a woman in charge, and I also attracted women, who wanted to become more dominant and in control, by building up their bodies and their self-confidence.
I was able to build a rather large client list, and this was the key to further my learning and understanding of this lifestyle. My experience creating programs, which helped people get results in fitness, could now be applied to creating programs for couples, in order to create a successful relationship. I still believe, from my experience with hundreds of clients, that Female Led Relationships work long-term. So, what is unique about the Female Led Relationship? Why is it different? First, male domination has been accepted for centuries, so the idea of female led household has only recently become of interest. It has been studied in-depth in Marketing, where it is understood, that the head of the household is the woman, who makes many of the buying decisions. So, professionals in advertising and marketing, understand how crucial it is to target the female as the head of the household. There is also a growing movement of women in the workforce, and more females in executive positions, in business and government.
So, the idea of female leaders is certainly becoming more accepted, and it’s only a matter of time before they are leaders in the relationship as well. This evolution has taken decades. Hilary Clinton’s race for President was a giant step for women in power for North America and even back in the 80s, Margaret Thatcher’s rise in the UK signified a grand step forward for women in power. There are now, many Prime Ministers and Presidents of large countries, who are women, and this is accepted. I see a similar emergence of the female-led relationship as the next evolutionary step for relationships. The Female Led Relationship really began as sexual and social desires of men submit themselves to the Females. But the Female Led Relationship has evolved now too much more, than a sexual fantasy. It will become the next major movement.
A little over twenty years ago, I was introduced to the concept of Female Led Relationships at the meetings and parties. What was surprising were the number of men who wanted to be submissive. In fact, the overall numbers of men outnumbered the women in attendance, by ten to one. Since I was present at these parties and meetings to educate myself further in my studies of the Female Led Relationship, I interviewed some of the dominant women and submissive men in an informal manner. Being a rather curious and aggressive female, I found myself attracted to this unusual world. My curiosity in Female Led Relationships has developed into about two decades of studying and practicing this alternative lifestyle. I have educated myself about the subjects of Female Led Relationships and male submissive desires. Based on my years of research, observation, and participation, I learned that there are sexual and social reasons why men have submissive desires toward women.
I discovered that a person’s core nature expresses itself sexually, through different sexual desires. To some people, a man that wishes to be on the bottom during intercourse is perverted. However, I have come to understand that this desire to have the woman on top stems from the same core desire. That desire is to be sexually dominated by a woman. It is expressed differently, but it is the same deep-rooted motivation. Not only that, but this nature can evolve, and the man that desires to be on the bottom during intercourse today, may very well develop a desire later on, to be in a Female Led Relationship. From studying several Female Led Relationships, I learned about the core natures of both men and women. As a woman, who was raised in a traditionally male dominant Catholic society, it was a revelation to me to discover the natural desire for the dominance and supremacy of the Female over the male. This revelation became the key to unlocking and understanding all submissive desires of men.
It matters not, how these desires are expressed through different fantasies. The root and the core of these are all the same; namely, the desire of the male gender is to be dominated and ruled by the Female sex. Therefore, no expression of this submissive nature surprises me or shocks me. I have heard it all from the males I have interviewed and counseled, and I have seen it all through my participation in the Female Led Relationship’s lifestyle. Some men want to worship the female by tending to her physical and sexual needs (body worship), while others want to be made into domesticated gentlemen. But the common thread with all these sexual and submissive desires is the longing for loving female authority, and this is the real definition of the Female Led Relationships. The woman as the loving female authority who leads, and the man wants to fulfill her desires. I believe it all stems from the original dominant woman, in every man’s life; his mother. A man’s mother has always held the highest spot in his heart; she is his supreme queen, and I believe that all men secretly desire to have a supreme queen in thier life.
That’s why it is perfectly normal for mothers and daughters-in-law to be rivals. It’s that desire to be in the most revered spot in a man’s life. But, just as a mother has her place, the wife, mother and life-mate has an even more important role and we, as the primary woman in our man’s life, must step into the role and take charge. We have often heard that a man will choose the woman who is most like his Mother to be his long-term mate and often, this is the case with men who want to be submissive. It is the longing for a female authority figure, who he can fulfill, is his long term goal. Men are providers. They know their role, and most men know that their role in the family is to provide and satisfy. They are raised with this reality, and it is ingrained. In the past, men would feel ashamed if he was unable to make more money, or have a better career than his woman. But times are changing, where it is acceptable for both men and women to make equal, and for women to sometimes, make more. But, the desire for men to serve the new most important woman in his life does not diminish, even if the society has deemed it okay for roles to change.
Many couples who are new to the Female Led Relationship world, and experience where the man makes less than the woman or stays home with the kids, are unaware that to maintain the rules are still important. Often, there could be feelings of stress by a woman, knowing that she has to take charge in her career and home. But, in fact, just as a woman tending to household duties was still a lot of work, the same is true for men, who are taking care of kids at home. Why is this happening more often? Because it is a natural evolution of the relationship.
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3 thoughts on “Female Led Relationships”
yes, really look around and think. Earth, after all, is feminine
great post! thank you for sharing it
Women have a better intellect and moral agency than men? Women make better leaders than men? Equality isn’t the endgame, Its female dominance? Seriously??
I mean, Fetishism is okay as it stems from childhood issues but making such anthropological claims based on anecdotal evidence? It is ridiculous. First of all, the fact that women would take advantage of such men to serve their selfish needs is in itself the proof that women are animals too. There is no “superior moral agency” here. They are selfish, cruel and corrupt. Secondly, a better leader is one who is competent, compassionate and emotionally intelligent. In most primates, including humans, it is the males. Which is why the alpha of the tribe is almost always a man. Even if the boss is a woman, she is so because she has masculine traits that make her fit as a leader. Vast majority of women are tender and emotionally susceptible. Femininity and leadership never go hand in hand.
I personally do like the idea of a dominant partner. But a relationship is meaningless if there is no “love” in it. And Love means to have the other person’s back. To have a stake in their life and to desire their overall well-being. This article sounds nothing like love.
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