A New Balance thanks to a Female-Led Relationship (1)

Equity in their relationship

In the quaint town of Maplewood, nestled amidst rolling hills and vibrant greenery, lived a couple, Sarah and Michael, who had embraced the conventional ebb and flow of life together for over a decade. Their relationship, like many others, was built on a foundation of love, respect, and shared dreams. Yet, beneath the surface of their seemingly content lives, a yearning for change whispered in the wind, a change that would redefine their bond and challenge their perceptions of love, leadership, and partnership. They were on the path to live a Female-Led Relationship.

Michael, an IT professional, was known for his relentless drive and dedication. These traits served him well in his career but often spilled over into his personal life, leading him to take the reins in most of their life decisions. Sarah, an incredibly intelligent Doctoral candidate, quietly wrinkled at the way Michael never failed to assert himself in family decisions. While she cherished her husband’s protective nature, she longed for a space where her voice held more weight, where her decisions shaped their shared journey as much as his.

“Balance” Thought Sarah… “I want balance. A relationship where I feel just as valued as he does. Where my daily experience is a reflection of what I give him: loving support and respect. I need this to happen before I earn the degree, while I’m around long enough to create a pattern of behavior. Soon…”

Then, the exploration of a Female-Led Relationship

The winds of change began to stir on a warm summer morning, as the couple sat down for their routine end-of-week breakfast on their covered back deck. Amidst the skittering, random noise of the forest, their house backed up and the soft jazz playing inside, Sarah broached a topic that had been lingering in her heart for months. She spoke of a Female-Led Relationship (FLR), a dynamic where she would take the lead in their relationship, guiding them in decisions, setting priorities, and nurturing their bond in a way that allowed her strengths to shine and his to support their collective well-being. Sarah had read several books on the topic and even sought advice from expert Female-Led Relationship coaches, now she was ready to share what she found.

Michael listened, his initial surprise melting into curiosity as Sarah outlined her vision with passion and clarity. She spoke not of subjugation but of empowerment. Balance. Sarah painted a picture of a partnership where both could flourish in new roles. It was a conversation that cracked open the door to a realm of possibilities, challenging Michael’s perceptions of leadership and partnership.

In the weeks that followed, the couple embarked on a journey of exploration and growth. Michael, accustomed to steering their life’s ship, found himself navigating uncharted waters, learning to relinquish control and trust in Sarah’s leadership. It was a transformation that didn’t occur overnight. There were several friction points but, over months of open communication, introspection, and mutual support, their relationship evolved into something neither expected.

Thanks to this Female-Led Relationship, a gain of balance and clarity

For Michael’s part, it didn’t take long for him to realize how tired he was of carrying the burden of leadership and being the “Alpha” both at work and at home. The relief of letting go of his controlling tendencies to the love of his life was invigorating. In this way, he began to realize that ceding control to Sarah wasn’t a loss of power or authority – it was actually a gain of balance and clarity.

Sarah, with newfound responsibility, blossomed in her role. She led with empathy, wisdom, and a deep understanding of their mutual needs. Her decisions, from the mundane to the significant, were made with a consideration that fostered a deeper sense of unity and respect between them. She encouraged Michael’s input, valuing his perspective while guiding them toward decisions that benefitted their collective well-being.

Not only did the frequency of their communication increase, but the quality as well. The couple talked more and fought less. One early win was agreeing to a weekly discussion where they could, in a neutral space, talk about what went right and what could improve.

Sara said,

“We’ll talk about it over Sunday breakfast. This will be a reflective point where we can openly discuss our likes/dislikes for the week, and what we can do to make things better.”

Sarah’s new rules in their Female-Led Relationship

After some weeks, Sarah noticed recurring issues, even after bringing it up at the Sunday discussion. Instead of being frustrated, she decided to try something new…

Sarah said over waffles.

“I made a rule and I want you to follow it.”

Michael smiled as he put a dollop of whipped creme on top of the strawberries adorning his waffles. Even though he was happy with the direction their relationship was going, he was still amused by Sarah’s approach. To him setting rules for marriage seemed like what children or marriage counselors did – Sarah was neither. That said, he was curious to see where this was going.

“A rule? Do tell…”

Sarah said:

“For the last few weeks, I’ve been mentioning slight annoyances that demonstrate how I have to compromise to keep from a fight. Most of these things are minor when taken alone, but begin to weave a tapestry of disrespect when taken in whole.”

“For example?” Mark wryly asked.

“The toilet seat,” Sarah responded. “It isn’t that much to ask for you to put the toilet seat down when you’re done. Less than one second is all it takes. That said, I understand that if you leave the seat down, you’re the only one who has to move it. So I propose a fair and equitable rule.”

Rule 1: The bathroom will remain clean and tidy with the toilet lid down when not in use.

Chuckling, Michael began a retort:

“You’re making a rule… about the toilet lid?”

“It’s not about the toilet lid, Michael, it’s about respect. It’s about how I’ve repeatedly asked you to leave the seat down so that I didn’t have to turn on the light when peeing at night… and you’ve refused. Now we both have to open and close it. Fair. But the toilet isn’t the only thing. I’ve asked you to keep your razor and shaving cream tidy, to clean up the mirror and sink after shaving, and to rinse out the sink after brushing your teeth.”

“I clean all of that” Sarah continued, “and it seems the only way for you to respect my effort is to make it your effort. So, starting today, it is.”

“Or…?” Michael said testily.

“Or you masturbate until you change your mind,” Sarah said sternly. “Things have been doing quite well around the house lately. I’ve been taking care of both our needs and things have been better for both of us – you admit this, yes?”

Michael followed a pair of Cardinals in flight, fascinated by how the violent red beauty of their bodies contrasted with the lush, green forest. There was a metaphor in there somewhere…

“Yeeeeessss” He breathed out reluctantly, “You’re right. I do need to start doing more around the house. I’m sorry for not doing my part and even more sorry for making you feel like you’re being taken advantage of. I didn’t see it that way at the time, but it’s clear now. I’ll follow the rule.”

“You’ll obey.”

A special treat for dessert

Sarah said with eyes on fire, making it sound more like a command than a question.

Pausing for a moment, Michael said,

“Yes, I’ll obey. Will you forgive me?”

“Of course,” Sarah said through a huge smile.

Standing up, she approached him from around the table and took his plate and coffee cup asking:

“Are you ready for special dessert?”

Surprised by the question, Michael asked:

“Dessert? Aren’t the waffles sweet enough?”

“Indeed they are” Sarah responded while walking into the house.

Returning wearing nothing more than a teeshirt, She sat on the table where Michaels’ dishes were and put a foot on each armrest of the chair. Looking at him straight in the eye, she continued:

“but I have a special treat in mind. Now eat…”

Unfulfilled Needs Before Embracing this Female-Led Relationship

Over time, the couple’s increased communication built enough trust and confidence that it allowed them to discover that many of Sarah’s needs were not fully met. Michael realized that he hadn’t really respected Sarah sexually. Sarah, empowered by her newfound confidence, decided to change that. She began creating basic “bedroom rules” with the intent of ensuring her needs were met. During their usual Sunday conversation over breakfast, she shared her new rules along with a narrative of why they were necessary:

“When we were dating, you pressured me into shaving my pubic hair because you liked girls that were ‘clean’. But you never asked nor cared if I felt the same way. Turnabout is fair play and equality means that you, too, are now responsible for cleanliness.”

Rule 2: Your pubic area and anus will be free of hair.

Michael, confused as to why she would include his anus, began to respond when Sarah quickly continued:

“You like ‘quickies’ and ‘nooners’. Basically, this is just frantic sex where the only objective is for you to get off. These aren’t satisfying for me but I accepted them as a wifely duty to you. Now it’s your turn: your husbandly duty will be to ensure that I am fully satisfied.”

Rule 3: You will not orgasm without My permission.

Michael, pondering the impact of Sarah’s rule, put his finger up saying

“Now wait just a minute here…”

and immediately felt the power of Sarah’s stare.

“This is equality, Michael. A new balance. For years I’ve taken a back seat to you and quietly accepted your behavior. Now you’ll accept mine. But, unlike you, I’m not taking orgasms away – I’m ensuring that I am satisfied in the same way you were. This is non-negotiable: I deserve the same happiness you have enjoyed from the beginning.”

Michael, seeing the hard, cold logic of her argument, was humbled. He closed his mouth quietly as Sarah went on:

“For years you tried to convince me to do anal. When it finally happened, neither of us knew what to do and it was unsatisfying, painful, and gross. Now that we know more about it, it’s actually somewhat enjoyable. You’re going to share your most intimate self with me in the same way I shared myself with you.”

Rule 4: You belong to Me and I am free to sexually use you in any way I choose, whenever and wherever I choose.

Female-Led Relationship

Michael couldn’t help himself:

“Now wait just a goddam minute, Sarah!”

Sarah calmly cut him off again:

“No, Michael. This is fair. From unsatisfying quickies to blowjobs in the car before a concert, I’ve given you pleasure in every way you’ve ever wanted, no matter how degrading I thought it was at the time. Now you’re going to give me what I want, no matter how degrading you might think it is. We have been married a long time and we are private people. There is no shame here – let me explore you the way I let you explore me.”

Micheal thought for a long time, eventually offering:

“When I look at it objectively, it’s hard to argue. You’re asking nothing more than what I have asked of you. There is a social stigma attached to a man being taken like this, but… I trust you. I trust you because I love you.”

“Aaand?” Sarah said expectantly.

Michael’s commitment to this Female-Led Relationship

Michael went on:

“And I really appreciate how much our relationship has grown over the last year. I love and admire your strength… it’s incredible how much you have grown! Things are much easier both at work and at home. Even if I do more than before, I’m happier and more satisfied. My love for you has grown, and I’m thankful for you.” “These rules are uncomfortable. They push boundaries and go against everything I know as a man. But they’re fair, and I believe there are more benefits to explore together. It won’t be easy, and I won’t always like it, but I love you and want you to know that I commit this… new balance… of ours.”

Standing up Sarah smiled wickedly and asked: