Sex Q&A: Is My Wet And Messy Fetish Safe?
How messy is too messy?
This week’s question:
First things first, I enjoy these Q&A’s a lot, since I am not very experienced in the area, and I feel as if they help wonders 🙂 Thank you.
I have sparked an interest in WAM (wet and messy fetish), which may involve different food/sloppy items poured/smashed/thrown at people. I would like to try it, but I am afraid if, as a woman, it might be dangerous to try.
Would playing with food nearby my vagina cause any harm? Such as yeast infections? If it might, would avoiding those areas and only sticking to playing with the face/breasts/feet be better? Or is it still dangerous?
I’ve seen several people into this fetish, and they seem to be alright. I’m aware it might cause eye irritation, but that depends on the person and how they deal with it.
Additionally, would using a food item as lube be alright?
Hey, Anonymous! Thanks so much for sending along your question. To help answer it, we spoke with Dr. Jen Gunter, board-certified OB-GYN, and Mistress Shae Flanigan, BDSM educator and alternative lifestyle coach. Here’s what they had to say:
First let’s talk about what wet and messy fetish (WAM) is and what it entails.
As you mentioned, WAM is a fetish that involves covering someone in food (or getting covered in food) and other sticky, slimy, messy, gooey substances. It mostly involves things like pies, cakes, whipped cream and shaving cream — and usually directly to the face, says Flanigan. But sometimes WAM is looped into another fetish called sploshing, which also fits what you’re describing.
“Sploshing is playing with sensation using food,” says Flanigan. “You can create different sensations — a sticky texture, slippery textures, foods with intoxicating smells — and each one layers on top of each other to create this symphony.” She describes it as a sexy art form where you basically transform someone’s naked body into a palette and use food to build various titillating sensations.
According to UMD.net (a web forum dedicated to these fetishes), WAM and sploshing can including slathering foods on someone (while clothed or unclothed), food fights, mud wresting, messy sex, and even dunk tanks. But obviously these things — like any type of unique sex play — exist on a spectrum and can vary depending on the people playing. You can be into certain parts of it and not others, or you can be into a lot of it but just not refer to it as this.
SO here are a few safety precautions to keep in mind whenever food or other substances are going near your naked body:
1. Sugary stuff ~probably~ shouldn’t go near your vagina.
Sugar-free foods and syrups are definitely suggested because yeast typically loves sugar, says Flanigan. That said, there actually isn’t research to show what would happen if you put sugar in the vagina, says Gunter. So it’s not really a guarantee that having sugar down there will cause a yeast infection — but do you really want to find out?
2. You might not get a yeast infection from this, but you can definitely get irritation down there.
Most women who think they have yeast infections actually just have a general irritation, says Gunter. “If you’re having symptoms within 24 hours of doing something, it’s more likely to be an irritant than a yeast infection,” she says. So if you notice anything like this, wash off and stop what you’re doing. If symptoms persist, check in with your doctor to see if they can suggest an OTC cream or antihistamine.
3. Stay away from anything with gritty textures like nuts or seeds.
If your frosting or cakes contain sprinkles, beware. And watch out for strawberries, kiwis, or anything else with little seeds, because those can scratch or hurt you if they get somewhere they shouldn’t be, says Flanigan.
4. Be careful with honey, too.
Anecdotally, Gunter has seen patients come in with a lot of irritation from honey on their genitals.
5. Really really try to keep things out of your eyes.
So it seems like WAM often includes pouring/throwing things in your face, but you’re right that it can be harmful to your eyes. The safest thing would be to wear swimmers goggles, but keeping your eyes closed and washing immediately after is also a good idea, says Flanigan.
6. Be mindful of food allergies.
Part of the fun with sploshing is often shopping for foods alone so you can add to the element of surprise, says Flanigan. That said, make sure to check in with your partner about any food allergies or irritations you’ve had in the past. And if you notice any redness, itching, burning, bumps, or inflammation, stop what you’re doing and wash it off.
And regarding food as lube…
“The only thing I would suggest as lube would be a food-grade oil, like coconut oil or olive oil,” says Gunter. Just keep in mind that anything oil-based can break down latex condoms, so stick to a silicone-based lube or water-based lube if you’re using latex.
Here are a few more helpful tips for safe sploshing:
1. It doesn’t always have to involve sex.
Keep in mind that WAM and sploshing are sometimes done separately from sex (just like other aspects of BDSM), so you don’t need to do them together if you don’t want, says Flanigan. Also, this may cut down on opportunities for foods to get near your genitals.
2. Typically there’s a giver and a receiver, and the giver won’t usually get as messy.
“If no sex is involved, the giver will definitely end up with food on them, but it generally will not end up in their groin,” says Flanigan. “If sex is involved, people are going to end up with food products absolutely everywhere.”
3. What you play with is entirely up to you and your partner.
There’s no prescribed shopping list for WAM or sploshing. “Like anything in the world of BDSM, you always build it around the person you’re playing with,” says Flanigan. So think about what foods you like, what textures and sensations you like, what foods or smells you hate, etc. If you’re ever not cool with something, speak up.
4. Take the time to set the scene.
“It’s usually best to do it already in the bathtub so you aren’t making a mess through your house or hotel room,” says Flanigan. She also suggests a fluffy towel in the tub (a dark one to avoid stains), or a nice big tarp for WAM. Then make sure you have all your ingredients and items ready and open (because once you start you’ll be too slippery to open anything). And keep a trash bag and extra towels handy. And if the phone rings, ignore it — you can really hurt yourself if you try to stand up or move around too much once things get slippery, she says.
5. Be SO careful with anything spicy.
Unless you’re both actively experimenting with masochism, avoid anything spicy on your bodies. Even if you try to wash it off immediately, the burning and irritation can last for hours, Flanigan says.
6. Make sure to clean up thoroughly afterward.
If anything gets near your genitals, Gunter suggests washing it off with a gentle soap, like a castile soap. For the rest of your body, Flanigan recommends regular dish soap for getting everything off.
So to sum up: Yes, you can get irritations and infections this way if you’re not careful. But taking the right precautions should keep you safe.
HUGE disclaimer: Everyone’s body is different and everyone has different sensitivities, allergies, and irritations. So use good judgement when playing with food items on your naked body. Avoid any open wounds or already irritated areas, and if you notice any pain/burning/itching/inflammation, stop what you’re doing and wash it off.
That said, experimentation is fun! And if this is a consensual thing between you and your partner and you’re being as careful as possible, you should be able to enjoy it safely, says Gunter. Just make sure to talk about all of your preferences and concerns beforehand and speak up if something feels off.
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