Gag at the Thought of Alien Egg Insertion Sex Fetish
Say what you will about Vice magazine, but it sure as hell knows where to find the most disturbing stories, whether it is the latest ISIS brutality, hidden wars we didn’t know were going on… or whatever the fuck this is.
The mag reports on a… thing… called the Ovipositor, which is a sex toy that will deposit an egg inside the user. The eggs are apparently moulded from gelatin, and for some reason that is a thing that people want to do.
Vice interviewed the inventor, who is surely awaiting call from billionaires dying to invest in the company, who explained the risks of using such an… implement:
“Everything in moderation. We are not doctors, and we’re not about to comment on what is safe or unsafe to do to one’s body as it varies from person to person. I can say that I have used them many times without hurting myself, but frankly it is up to the person using it to know their own limits. For instance, if you are allergic to gelatin. If made properly, the eggs are firm, but rubbery, similar to the consistency of gummy bears. They dissolve with body heat rather quickly.”
Interestingly too, it turns out that he came up with the idea after approaching business rather pragmatically:
“Let’s face it, there are three things that will always sell: Food, death, and sex. I tried food service and decided after managing three restaurants and owning one that it was the same thing, day in and day out, and it didn’t look like that was going to change much. Death didn’t really interest me. I wanted something more fun. Something that breaks the monotony of people’s days and makes them spit out their coffee when you tell them what you do.”
Now we know what you’re thinking because we are too: What the fuck? But then, didn’t people say “WTF?” when they first saw the iPhone which (gasp!) had no buttons? Perhaps we’ll see huge keynote events unveiling the latest Ovipositor in a few years.